Motherhood can be a lonely place and these days unforgiving. I could not care less about how others feel I am doing as a Momma, as long as my kids are thriving I am good. I do not need to keep up with the activities and parties because I just do not care. However, I do care about how my mom sees me as a Momma, am I doing a good job in her eyes? I know I am, she has told me, so has my dad.
The loneliness of motherhood did not start right away for me, the warm fuzzies of having an infant put them at bay for a while. The loneliness for me started when I finally went back to work. I spend the day teaching high school students and come home where I do not get a chance to stop.
There are days where all I want is five minutes of silence, but I never get that five minutes. There are days where all I want is for all the household chores to be finally caught up, but we know that will never happen. There are days I wish I could just go off on my own for a day or two, but then I realize how much I would miss my kids and husband. There are days I wish I was not constantly needed, but I am thankful that my children come to me for their needs. There are many days that I get tired of hearing 'Momma' yelled over and over, once is enough; I heard you the first time. There are days where all I want is one 'thank you', but I never get that 'thank you'.
Mom, I know that one day this loneliness will go away and it will be filled with a different kind of loneliness, but I now understand how much you did and sacrificed and gave. I see some of my students and know that I was so lucky to have you as a mom, just like my kids are so lucky to have me. You were selfless. You did what had to be done to be a good mom even when it took away from your wants and needs. I know I did not appreciate what you did back when I was younger, but I do now and I am so thankful for you.